


Saturn- A quick Shower

by Rainydaysunrise



Series: Saturn one shots [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Body Image, Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues, F/M, Female Castiel/Male Dean Winchester, Gen, Scars, Sharing a Body, Takes place after chapter 7 of Saturn, Warnings May Change, maybe? - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 07:39:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16342595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainydaysunrise/pseuds/Rainydaysunrise
Summary: This takes place the morning after chapter 7.Castiel showers and thinks about her new host.





	Saturn- A quick Shower

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really enjoying posting the chapters like this. It's not in order, but I can post as I please and as it comes to me. Which sounds weird, is weird, and will likely remain weird. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has and is reading. It means so much to me! 
> 
> ALSO: TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter talks about scars and stuff. I like to include this whenever I feel like something is a bit on the dark side. Better to be safe. If you are easily triggered or struggle with these things, please take care of yourselves and click away. I understand! 
> 
> And this was quite rushed. It hit me when I was almost asleep...and I really wanted to sleep.

Morning after coming home: 

 

Castiel opened her eyes, the dream was over. The thoughts were gone. 

But so was the peace and she wanted that back. 

She needed to rest, days of constant awareness and the fight or flight response that had been ground into her brain. 

But how could rest come when you still felt like wires were crossed and electrocuting every nerve of your body.

Easy, you couldn’t.

She got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. 

Shower. 

“I smell like a ditch.” She mumbled, still not used to the sound of her voice. 

She closed the door behind her, turning the lock carefully. The last thing she wanted was Dean bursting in. 

Shedding her clothes took a while as they were stiff and still damp; the warm air of the bunker had made them smell damp. 

The shower was hot enough to scald, but it was how she liked it. It made her joints ache less, her head clearer as the steam floated above her. 

(((Are you okay?)))

“What the fuck?” Her own voice surprised her again, the voice from earlier was echoing through the empty bathroom. 

(((Do you like it here?)))

“Leave me the fuck alone. You shouldn’t have done this.”

(((You came back. You came back. You came back. You came back. You came back.)))

 

The echo continued until she was digging her fingernails into her arms. Grounding herself, her brain reminded her. No need to panic.

“Just leave me alone.” 

The bathroom was silent except for the running water. 

Peaceful. 

She continued her shower in peace, rinsing the dirt and dust from her body as she hummed something almost long forgotten.

-

Stepping out of the shower, Castiel felt better than she had in months. Clean and calm and happy. The worry and anxiety having left her. 

She admired her body in the mirror, not having noticed the smaller things earlier.

This host had seen bad days and good days. 

It had seen itself growing too fast, causing stretch marks on her hips and stomach, despite being mostly flat. 

It had seen days of acne and picking, but the scars were fading. 

It had seen pretty things flashing in the night by the looks of the arms and thighs.

It had seen glass on pavement going by the knees. 

It had seen falls and slips and scrapes and hurt. 

But she was still standing. 

She was alive. 

Or Castiel was at least. The screaming in her head had diminished at some point during the night, leaving her less in a haze. 

The acceptance was always the hard part, not sure of the new body. But she was sure she liked this one. 

And she was almost happy to have been given another chance.


End file.
